Before Cedar was born, when I was lumbering around pregnant, people would tell me, “It goes by so fast.” It didn’t matter if it was a cashier at the grocery store, a co-worker, or a friend, their eyes misted over with thoughts of their grown babies as they said it.
I promised myself I wouldn’t say it. I planned to observe my daughter closely, come to know her as a person, and come up with an elegant way to sum up the grandeur of her babyhood. Then Cedar came into the world, pink and shouting, holding her fist up in a “fight the power” salute.
I broke my promise. Suddenly, she was incorporated into our lives. Suddenly she crawled, walked, and ran. Suddenly, she had learned to say, “Don’t stress out mama,” when I couldn’t find the keys. I now realize the reason people sigh and say, “It all goes by so fast” is that there is nothing else to say. Really. That’s it. I’ve been in rooms full of parents with graduate degrees—Education, Counseling, Library Science, Biology, Physics, even Creative Writing—and no one can do anything but sigh and utter, “It goes by so fast.” Impermanence. It’s so beautiful and sad. Babies and death are the universe’s way of saying hello.
After Coral was born our pediatrician put it another way, “Take lots of pictures. They get big fast. Then, someday you find yourself looking at the ‘Police Blotter’ to find out what they’ve been up to.” He didn’t mist over; he’s a trained professional.
With Coral, it’s all going by even faster. My husband says it’s like driving somewhere for the second time. The trip seems much shorter. She’s only four months old and her helpless newbornhood has been erased from my memory. I needed room in my brain for the new her, the one that beats her arms on her chest like a baby King Kong and laughs. Something had to go. It couldn’t be remembering my phone number or knowing how to drive, so Coral Anna made way for a new Coral Anna, and then another, and another.
Even the cliché has changed into something else. Since Coral was born “It goes by so fast” has changed into, “They’re sisters, but they’ll be so different.” I smile and wonder what cliché I’ll find myself finding true next.
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