Sportsman’s Warehouse, 423 Merhar Ave. Fairbanks, Alaska 99701
A friend once described Field & Stream magazine as “porn for hunters.” If that’s so, then The Sportsman’s Warehouse is a hunting sex shop with every gadget imaginable and taxidermied animals providing a store-wide peep show. One musk ox is even in a big glass box like hairy, stuffed, dead go-go dancer.
It is a spectacle. The store is filled with everything anyone might need to hunt any animal in the entire world, from guns, to jon boats, to home tanning kits for hides, to pink fishing vests in toddler sizes (Cedar said, “I want that girl vest!”). We staggered through the aisles followed by the eyes in the animal heads adorning every wall. Cedar happily pointed at dead ducks, caribou, and moose as if we were visiting the zoo cemetery. Staring at an arrangement of a wolverine and a bear she exclaimed, “Look a bear family.” I took it to be a teachable moment and introduced her to a new species. Wolverines don’t appear often in children’s literature.
It was all too much for us. Too many choices. Too much pressure to buy. Too many little shopping carts lined up with little flags saying, “Customer in Training.” At two the only training I believe my child should be subjected to is potty training and I don’t appreciate corporate interests trying to teach her to buy before she has had the chance to learn to read. Overwhelmed by the overt corporate creepiness of the place, we left empty handed even though we were in need of a tent.
But not before visiting the bathroom, of course. During a potty emergency alarm, TJ tried to take Cedar to the men’s room. He ran out with her tucked under his arm like a football, and handed her to me saying, “You try it.” He wouldn’t tell me what happened.
I went into the women’s room and was stunned to find the best changing table in all of Fairbanks. It was immaculate. The belt was functional.
It even was fully stocked with changing table liners. I have never actually seen a changing table liner. They’re mythic, like unicorns. So many times when faced with a table covered with another baby’s explosive poop, I was sad to find the plastic dispensers empty. Although they’re plain white instead of cammo, at Sportsman’s Warehouse they’re available. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised though. I never saw a wolverine until I came to Sportsman’s Warehouse either.
In the spirit of packing every moment of your shopping experience with the opportunity to spend, Sportsman’s Warehouse has decorated the bathroom with priced, framed pieces of artwork depicting various animals in their natural settings. A magestic group of elk graces the wall above the handicapped toilet. A family of ducks swims above the changing table. If you decide to buy one of these, please wash your hands before asking a salesclerk to help you take it off the wall.
Moms, if you’re in the parking lot at the Lowe’s/Barnes & Noble/Old Navy complex and you need to change a diaper, or if you’re planning to take your infant gun shopping, Sportsman’s Warehouse is the place to go. The women’s bathroom is pristine. While you’re changing a diaper, you just might find the perfect piece of art for the living room.
I meant to mention something to you, the Anchorage Daily News and UAA have a yearly creative writing contest (I’m sure you’ve seen the ads for it) and last year they opened a new category for blogs.
You must enter next year in March/April. Your blog is fabulous.
Completely unrelated to this post – I wanted to let you know you inspired me with your talk of poetry a few weeks ago. Today at the library we came home with a few collections of poetry for children. I have always feared poetry as something I just never understood. No more fear. We shall read them for the next few weeks. Thanks.
This is a REVIEW of your “REVEIW” of Sportsman’s Warehouse.
Misspelled words are inexcusable. If you want to call it a typo, then you didn’t proofread your work.
Your friend’s analogy about Field & Stream was stupid enough, but to use it to make another analogy, was laughable.
What do you mean “too much pressure to buy”…? Come on,
you know stores want to sell merchandise…and they want to make a profit! Did you even give someone in camping a chance to help you with the tents…?!
What is “overt corporate creepiness”…????? You’re weird.
Your writing bugs me…I won’t look for your answers. Just stay out of Sportsman’s…we don’t need you.
So first of all let me just say that if this is what you do for a living, you need to quit your job and just stay home with your kids. I have never written a REVEIW (please check your spelling before trying to make an ass out of corporate. Lets call a spade a spade here.) but I would expect that you would need to talk more about the store, and not your personal issues with taxidermy and wolverines.
Were the shelves stocked? Was the store clean? How was customer service? Were the employees willing to help you find your tent? Or did you not even bother to ask? Better yet do you even know where the tents were located? Of course not. How would you know? Your entire review was based on “overt corporate creepiness” and a bathroom!!!
Also in part of writing a review, know a little bit of the history. Sportsman’s Warehouse was built for the outdoors men. The idea behind it is that they want someone to walk in, and get everything they could possibly ever need to go camping/hunting/fishing in one stop. And I must say with everything that Sportsman’s has to offer, that is all possible.
Secondly the little carts lined up in a row saying “customer in training” for children. How is that any different from walking into Fred Meyers or Safeway and seeing all of those huge hard to maneuver car designed carts? My children bug me every time to ride in the “car cart” there is an old fashioned word I use. NO!!! If you don’t want your kid to have one, try using that word. Its not fair that you pick on Sportsman’s Warehouse and their corporate marketing techniques. If you want to bash corporate talk to Wal-Mart, Fred Meyers, and Safeway and ask them to remove all of the candy, toy and video games from the front of the store. Also all of the end caps displaying candy and soda for that last minute “impulse buy”.
Lastly I feel that this review of yours is a bit inadequate, because it is all based on your personal opinion. Not on fact. Incase you haven’t noticed we do live in Alaska, and most of the families here depend on hunting and fishing to feed their families through the winter. I am glad that you were satisfied with the bathroom, and found liners to cover the changing table. But that was the basis of your entire review. Also, when you walk into a Sportsman’s Warehouse what did you expect to see? You cannot tell me that it was a shock to you to see taxidermy hanging on the wall. And if it offended you then you should have left.
Because you left such a strong personal opinion, I feel I have the right to do the same. We all know the saying of what opinions are like, and we all have them. I think that you are a stay at home mom with way to much time on her hands. Take up a new job. Maybe be the first woman in children’s literature to write a book with a wolverine as the main character. But please make sure to check your spelling.
You really are the shining example of my favorite self-made saying… I love America, but I hate Americans. We (by which, I mean you) have diverted into this insane thought process, that you always get it “your way”. This ain’t fuckin’ burger king, bitch! that’s the staple of our country. If someone wants to sustain themselves and their family by harvesting game as a primary way of reducing their cost of living… or for whatever reason, than who are you to say they can’t, or to talk down to them for it? Oh, and now we’re on to the big subject, right? Animal heads adorning the walls? How fucking inexcusable, that is!
I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that some people ignore all the innocent PEOPLE around the world that are killed every second of every minute of every hour of every day, and in the next breath, are ready to condemn hunters like me to death for harvesting game…. In short, I guess what I have to say to you is fuck you. Fuck everything you stand for. Feast your eyes on all that rocks in this world. If you don’t like something in it, look away. Don’t make me and mine subject to your rants of smoke and air.
Talk about thin skins.
“If you don’t like something in it, look away. Don’t make me and mine subject to your rants” – yeah, right back at ya!
Think you may have stepped in something subarctic, a steaming pile of misogyny. Wipe it off your shoe and continue on your way.
Sheesh…These people are out of control. They don’t even get it. DUH this is a MOMMY BLOG. Our main concern is how the bathrooms are!
I love how they point out a misspelled word while their entire rants are filled with errors.
Ignorance IS Bliss I guess.
Places that ooze consumerism are no place for families who are concious about careful purchasing and fiscal responsibility. Therefore, your review for FAMILIES (not huntsmen) on subarctic MAMA (again, not subarctic HUNTER) is perfectly relevant.
I remember my mom telling me when I was young that people who need to say “fuck” all the time in order to get people’s attention are also people who never have anything intelligent to say. So far, that wisdom stands.
As far as “rights” go, personal blogs are just that. Commenting on blogs is a privilege, not a right. If readers want the opportunity to say whatever they want without being censored, they should get their own blogs. I delete.
I’m not a mommy (and don’t want to be), and I enjoy reading your blogs. I’m amused that there are apparently people in the world who spend their free time looking for Sportsman’s Warehouse reviews, particularly when their opinions on the corporate culture/customer service/retail space aspect of the company seem to be so established.
I wonder why they felt this was such an attack? It’s true- a similar review could have been written about almost any box store. But this review was about your experience in one box store.
I hope you don’t let the insecurities of others in the blogosphere prevent you from enjoying your own blog. I appreciate that you haven’t censored their comments yet, while they would like to censor your opinions on your own blog.
Hope you enjoy a lovely weekend!
Holy Cow, they need to get a life away from Sportsmans Warehouse!!! Wow, all I can say is WOW!!
I moved to Fairbanks myself seven months ago and I maintain my own blog which includes all the things I like, and some that I don’t, about Alaska. It’s MY blog and I’ll write what I please. SAM, you should feel free to do the same and to disregard the freaks who drop F-bombs on your blog and who seem to feel free to call you a “bitch”. Consumerism is RAMPANT in this culture and you have every right to be offended by mini-shopping carts – I don’t have kids, like Megan I don’t want any, and I’m still disgusted by marketing (specifically, toward children) in this country. Of course stores are for BUYING but not to TWO YEAR OLDS.
I eat meat, my fiancee hunts, we both fish, and I still think all the dead stuff in the wearhouse (where I just went the other day to look for a rainjacket – and left b/c there were a total of three to choose from in my size) is WEIRD and freaky, too. And “The Gun Guy” should be taking his own advice – don’t visit mommy blogs if you don’t like what the Mommy has to say. My mommy always says you can disagree without being disagreeable. I wonder how the gun guy’s mommy would feel about him calling a woman a ‘bitch’ (anonymously – way to go, BIG MAN, lol) and telling her to ‘fuck off’. Class act. You’re one of the Alaskan guys I hate on in my blog, Gun Guy. Feel free to comment away.
@All of the negative and obscene comments.
To start out with we should all realize that this is “the internet”, it is subject to all kinds of opinions and styles of writing. Most 12 year olds can come up with a more educated response than spewing out biased, negative comments.
My main argument is at GunGuy. This is a “mamas” blog so if you can’t control your self and language then what on earth are you doing here? Heck, what are you doing in life? Get out and try to pass the 8th grade again..
See? I can refrain from profanity! See how much it shows maturity and education? Yeah, guess what? I’m only 15!
@HuntingAKmom
“Because you left such a strong personal opinion, I feel I have the right to do the same. We all know the saying of what opinions are like, and we all have them. I think that you are a stay at home mom with way to much time on her hands. Take up a new job. Maybe be the first woman in children’s literature to write a book with a wolverine as the main character. But please make sure to check your spelling.”
Biased. You’re directly insulting/flaming subarctic mama. You’re entitled to how you want to construct your life, as she is to hers. I see nothing wrong with a parent raising there own children instead of paying others to do it for them….
To conclude, let me just say that the book about a wolverine comment was what we call an
Epic
[img]http://blog.pbwiki.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/fail.jpg[/img]
(Does this blog support img tags?)
That has to be the worst insult I have EVER read! EVER! We are talking like the worst 4chan threads bad!
~Relys
Wowsa! looks like there’s a few folks out there with some seriously exposed nerve endings, evidently just itching for a fight…poor things. Their lives must be either terribly boring and/or nonstop conflict.
I rather liked the way you vividly described the Sportsman’s Warehouse decor, the reaction of your child, the interactions between you and her, the delight at finding a clean, stocked bathroom (not to mention the hilarious description of those bathrooms that aren’t), etc.
And reviews are quite frequently all about personal opinion and experience. I mean, they ARE opinion pieces, after all…
Nice writing.
Hi N,
Nice blog. It’s fun to read nasty comments about a typo when they’re written by folks who would easily fail Freshman comp.
Keep your skin thick and keep blogging.
Cheers,
M
I won the award for worst insult ever?! Wow thank you so much! Im sure that gun guy will be a little dissapointed.
P.S. It wasnt an insult. I was serious.
Hi,
My Wife and I Just Moved 3 Months to North Pole from Washington, We Have Enjoyed Your Blog Repeatedly. Very Helpful. I am a Gun Owner, Aspiring Hunter, Fisherman, Practicing Primative, Bushcrafter and all around Outdoorsman. Two Comments One To You and One To the Commenters.
You: People Need to recongnize that Comsumerism is everyewhere. No Matter how far you try to getaway from it. Even Value Village , Sentry Hardware Does it. I love Sportsmans Warehouse. How Much have I bought There. Not Much. Too Expensive. I would Rather Buy something That is used to Recycle it than Pay 80 Buck for a Pair of Yuppy Cammo Pants. I have been in The Prospecter. Too expensive also. The Most I have bought from Sportmans Wherehouse is Ammo, Fishing and Boot for My Wife.
For The Commenters:
Sportsman who have to resort to Low Tactics Need to see how They Streotype themselves. People also Need to recognize That ” THE BIG EVIL CORPRATE GIANTS” Are Lowering Prices in Fairbanks so That you are not paying Such High Prices for The Good you and I need. People Complain about these store Bieng Here and Say That They are Ruining What We Have Here. But Most of tham are Still shopping at Walmart, Sportsmans Warehouse and Sears. People need to start Looking at What Impact They are Making on the world Around Them. How About Recycling or Critical Salmon Habitat or How there day In and dayout Interaction with People Affects the Physical as Well as Spiritual Aspects of the world Around You.
I mean, I hate to nitpick, but really. So Many Capital Letters.
Hey where are you mama? Everything okay up there?
Doing fine up here. How are you down there?