When the phone rang and the pollster said, “Could I take a few minutes of your time to ask you about issues that are important to Alaskans,” I shocked myself by saying, “Sure.”
I don’t take well to telemarketing, and Saturday was especially busy. Between TJ being out of town, having to hire a babysitter to cover an early morning appointment, single parenting two toddlers through swim lessons (thanks for the support Cheryl & Duncan), no nap, a lost wallet, and a surprise afternoon visit to the pediatrician to diagnose an ear infection, talking on the phone even with a friend wasn’t an option. I’m not sure why I volunteered to talk to a stranger.
Maybe it was the friendly way she asked. Maybe it was the thought of talking to a grown up for a few minutes.
I asked, “How long will it take?” “Nine minutes.” Having at least nine minutes worth of opinions on issues important to Alaskans, I thought, “Yeah, I could do that.”
But I had to ask one more question first, “Who’s paying for this poll?” “I can’t tell you that. In fact, I don’t even know,” she said.
It started innocently enough. “What do you rank as a number one issue facing the Alaska Legislature? Education, Permanent Fund, Oil Taxes. . .” Multiple-choice prefab answers followed each question. She followed her script; I answered, cramming my opinions into the clean little boxes and laughing a little when they didn’t quite fit.
“How well do you think Sarah Palin is doing as governor? Very good. Good. Not so good. Poor.”
“Do you think oil has had a positive, mostly positive, mostly negative, or negative impact on Alaska?”
Then she asked, “During the last legislative session did the legislature raise, lower, or keep taxes on the oil companies pretty much the same?” “Raised,” I said. “Yes,” she said, reading earnestly from the script, “The Alaska Legislature raised taxes on the oil companies by 100%.”
“Hey,” I said, “So that’s who’s paying for this survey?” She laughed.
She went on to ask, “What’s the best way that you believe oil companies could improve the opinions that Alaskans have of them?”
I said, “Oh, maybe pay the billions of dollars in settlement money they still owe over the Exxon Valdez. Or stop spilling oil up north. Or stop buying our legislators. Any of those would be a start.”
She laughed again.
The rest of the questions went on to not-so-subtly point out the benefit of Big Oil to our big state. The question asking “What can Alaska do to save the oil industry?” was a nice touch.
Clever, clever Big Oil. When you came calling I actually answered the phone. Brilliant, PR disguised as a survey. Thanks Big Oil for taking the time to listen to my little opinion “on issues important to all Alaskans.” I finally feel like I’ve been heard.
Dear readers, did Big Oil call any of you folks this weekend?
In the interests of accurate reporting, I should note that the questions I remember from the survey are not listed here word-for-word. I wish I had the opportunity to record it, but I was busy unloading sick children from the Subaru while I answered. I also have no verification as to whether or not the oil companies paid for the survey. I just suspect they did. I don’t remember the name of the polling company and I doubt they would verify my theory.
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