Fire Representative Mike Kelly: Change We Can Accomplish

This election has me covering my eyes like a bad horror movie. I’m anxious, afraid, and completely disturbed. What disturbs me most is the Alaskan with a Minnesota accent claiming to speak for all of us. Personally, I don’t wear her shade. I fear that from now on people in the lower 48 will think of  Alaskan women as bouffant-wearing, tanning-salon-patronizing, cheerleaders in power suits who bark, “Drill Baby Drill!” and “Maverick!” anytime someone holds up a biscuit.

On top of that, our votes here in the reddest of red states aren’t going to do much to impact the electoral map. It’s clear that someone’s Floridian grandpa and some guy who works in a gas station in Ohio are going to decide the fate of the entire country. Alaskan polls don’t even close until everyone else has gone to bed. It seems hopeless.

Locally, though there is some change we can accomplish. Voters in District 7 can finally get rid of Representative Mike Kelly. No one has proven himself more deserving of a pink slip than Representative Kelly.

Fire him because his dangerous backward thinking on domestic violence proves he’s completely out of touch with both his female constituants and reality.

Fire him because he deliberately and brazenly votes and legislates against the interest and will of his constituants. One example (Yes, unlike Governor Palin I am capable of offering examples when asked): last year’s advisory vote on benefits for same sex partners. Kelly sponsored and championed the vote. His constituants defeated it in his own district. The day after the vote, he proclamed it a success.

Fire him because right now he’s aligned himself with Outside interests to stop the release of the Troopergate investigation. Governor Palin said, “Hold me accountable,” and whether something was fishy or not, we have a right to know. Representative Kelly is fighting to keep the investigation out of the public eye. What’s more disturbing is he’s working with the Texas-based Liberty Legal Institute who call themselves “the flip side of the ACLU” to file the case. On their website they say they focus on “religious freedom, student’s (sic) rights, parental rights, and the definition of family.” I’m not sure what keeping the Troopergate report out of the hands of Alaskans has to do with any of those things. Most Alaskans don’t like politically motivated Outside organizations pumping cash and lawyers into our state.

Especially Outside organizations based in the wee little state of Texas. In my fifteen years in Alaska, I haven’t heard any Alaskan sound too happy about working with a Texan. In fact, I once saw a bumper sticker in Fairbanks that said, “Honk if you’re another bastard Texan.”  Either Representative Kelly should remind himself of the Sourdough saying, “We don’t care how they do it Outside,” or he should start honking.

Fire him because he sponsored the legislation that destroyed the Teacher’s Retirement System in Alaska and he voted against education funding. Thanks to shrinking salaries and the loss of the retirement system our kids here in Fairbanks are going to school in a district that had to jettison its screening interviews because they don’t have enough qualified applicants. Really. Ask a high school principal. It’s even getting hard to find English teachers. You know that’s bad.

Oh, but don’t worry about him, former Representative Kelly will do just fine without his salary from the Legislature. According to his 2008 financial disclosure filed with the Alaska Public Offices Comission, he collects a yearly pension of $120,000 per year from his time as CEO at GVEA (the disclosure is not available online, but you can call the APOC at 1-800-478-4176 to ask for a copy) . That’s $10,000 each month. Folks, you are paying that pension as part of your electric bill each month, but remember every time you write that check that Mr. Kelly is opposed to pensions. I imagine he would say they’re “welfare” and “morphine” too. When other people are collecting them, that is.

It’s time to kick Kelly to the curb.

So how do you fire him? Simple. Vote for Karl Kassel on November 4th. That’s all you need to do.

If you’re really mad, there’s more you can do.

Option #1: Comment on this post. For each comment up to 50, I’ll donate a dollar of my own money to Kassel. Make me put my money where my mouth is. If you love Mike Kelly, write me a long comment. Spend a lot of time on it, maybe even hours. I’ll still donate a dollar to Karl Kassel.

Option #2: Go to Kassel’s website and donate a dollar or two of your own.

Option #3: If you have no money, call the Kassel campaign and ask for a yard or truck sign.

Better yet, do all three. Karl Kassel and all Alaskans will thank you. The legislature will be a better place without Representative Kelly. He might even thank you too. Freed of the responsibility of not listening to his constituants, he’ll really have time to enjoy that $120,000 pension.

Getting rid of Mike Kelly isn’t just change we can believe in or change we need, it’s change we can actually accomplish. Let’s do this people. Fire the bum. Yes we can!